2.3 In Person Communication

You should know the following terms:

• Body language
• Facial expressions
• Nonverbal communication
• Tone of voice
• Verbal communication

You communicate in person every day using much more than simply words, sometimes without meaning to. You use voice components, body language, and facial expressions to communicate your meaning. If you give conflicting messaging and your words do not match your non-verbal responses it can create misunderstandings or even ruin your working relationship with a colleague.

Good in-person communication, verbal and non-verbal, is about being professional, responsive, effective, and efficient, ideally in an environment of mutual respect, trust, and transparency. Dr. John Lund of The Communications Company has been quoted as saying “Don’t communicate to be understood; rather, communicate so as not to be misunderstood.” 

Nonverbal Communication

Voice

We are going to start by looking at voice components. There are several natural components of how we all use our voices that we can control and leverage for better communications. It doesn’t take a lot of practice to use these components to our advantage. Sometimes, it just takes a little awareness of how you are speaking and how you might change a component to make it work better for you.

• Pitch, like in music, refers to how high or low your voice is. When your pitch gets higher, it may indicate you are feeling stressed, impatient, or nervous about something. Try to take a breath or pause a moment and bring your pitch back down to your normal range of speaking.
• Tone is the intonation or inflections of your voice; it is the rise and fall of the sound. Strong emotion, sarcasm and low energy in the tone of a voice creates variation in the meaning of the message. In your communication with others, you want your tone to be friendly, kind, and compassionate, and avoid sounding sarcastic, demeaning, or belittling.
• Pace of speech is how fast or how slowly you talk. Monitoring the pace of your speech is important in professional communications, especially not speaking too quickly which can cause confusion. 
• Intensity is the strength of emotion that is projected along with the words you are saying.  Listen for increased intensity in others and see if you can slow the conversation down and help that person become calmer.
• Volume refers to how loud you speak. Obviously, you have to speak loud enough so that people can easily understand you, but you don’t want to be shouting at them.  When volume goes up, it could mean you are getting upset or frustrated.

Body Language

Body language is the use of physical behavior, expressions, and mannerisms to communicate nonverbally. You communicate with your body language as much as you do your voice. Body language can be your gestures, your posture, your facial expressions, your eye contact and how much space you give a person, and can say as much as your words. 

Everything can feel hurried and stressful in a school environment. It’s easy to get wrapped up in "getting the job done" and not realize how your in person interactions are impacting others. Here are some common ways people communicate using body language that you should be aware of:

• Smile: smiling is an easy way to greatly impact an interaction with others. Smile to show your support, when you greet anyone, when passing people on your way from point A to point B. Even smiling while talking on the phone can help you have better conversations. 
• Physical Gestures: gestures such as a handshake, hug, or pat on the back should be used sparingly and only with people you know are comfortable with them.  Using a physical gesture with someone not comfortable with it will cause them to focus on that instead of what you are trying to communicate. 
• Arm placement: crossing your arms gives an impression of being unapproachable, or that you are not open to input from others.  Try to not have a habit of standing with your arms crossed when interacting with others.
• Eye contact: making eye contact communicates that you are actively listening and engaged in the conversation.  If you hold an entire conversation while staring at the screen of a device, the other person wonders at how closely you are paying attention.

Facial Expressions

Facial Expression is what you say with your face before, during and after you speak.  Watch someone on the phone or in a meeting. Do you make assumptions about how they are feeling and the meaning of what they say based on their facial expression? 

Some key takeaways about facial expressions:

• Micro-expressions: brief, involuntary facial expressions that usually occur in high-stake, stressful situations. They happen when a person is consciously trying to conceal how they are feeling.
• Deliberate use: You can proactively use your face to connect with others when you speak. In a new study, researchers defined 21 facial expressions used to convey our emotions and found a computer model could tell them apart with a high degree of accuracy.
• Read others: Look for emotion on the faces of others, learn to recognize what their expressions communicate to you, and then practice matching those expressions with the words and emotions you want to convey. 
• Be authentic: Know what you want to communicate, believe in your own authority and point of view, and then deliver- with your words and with your face.

Verbal Communication

Choosing Effective Words

Your words can either positively or negatively impact your communications.  Opting for positive language rather than negative language helps everyone feel like a solution is possible. 

Learning how to rephrase your answers with positive language can be powerful in both building your relationships with colleagues and becoming a more efficient communicator.

Avoid Interrupting 

Conversations can become one-sided when people talk over one another, finish each other’s sentences, or interrupt. People who interrupt a lot are often seen as rude, which can lead others to become less open and honest with them. 

There are clues you can watch for to ensure you do not interrupt, and possibly lose vital information:

• Breathing pattern: If a person you are talking to takes a breath in, they are probably getting ready to say something.  Pausing a few seconds allows them to start talking.

• Wait time: Some people need some wait time to process what you have asked or said. After you ask a question or share information, allow about 20 seconds of time to pass to ensure they are able to respond after thinking about what you said.

• Body Language: Look for body language clues that another person is still sharing or wants to speak, such as opening their mouth, hand movement, or fidgeting. 

• Verbal Cues: Statements that end in a question, such as "What do you think?", can indicate they are done sharing.

If you accidentally interrupt, don't get flustered.  Simply apologize immediately and allow them the opportunity to share or finish sharing their thoughts. 

Here are additional resources you may find useful:

• Examples of Body Language (Article)
• Body Language (Video)
• Understand Body Language and Facial Expression (Article & Video)
• 27 Body Language Tricks to be Instantly Likable (Infographic)
• Understanding Body Language Differences in Other Ethnicities (Infographic)
• The Secrets to Decoding Facial Expressions (Video)
• Interrupting and Ways to Overcome It (Article)

Complete the following task or self-assessment:

Either record yourself or have another person record you using your phone or computer camera during a transaction with a teacher and a student - preferably during a busy period of the day. (Make sure to let the person you are interacting with know that you are recording your interaction for reflective growth only. If the person declines being recorded, use a different interaction.)

Watch the video. 

• What do you notice about the way you handled the situation? 
• What nonverbal communication did you use that was positive?  
• What nonverbal communication did you use that was negative?  
• What verbal communication did you use that was positive?  
• What verbal communication did you use that was negative?  
• What did you do that was spot on? 
• What could you improve on? 

Repeat several times throughout the year and note the improvement you see.